Tuning Into Yourself: A Journey into Emotional Intelligence

Ever find yourself wondering what makes some people seem to navigate life’s emotional rollercoaster’s with a little more grace? Or perhaps you’ve been thinking about how we can all get a bit better at understanding ourselves and the wonderful, complex people we share our lives with? If you’ve nodded along to either of those, or even if you’re just a tiny bit curious about what makes us humans tick, then you’re in the right place.

As a mum to two amazing boys, and having recently dived headfirst into the truly fascinating world of psychotherapeutic counselling here in the UK, I’ve become incredibly curious about this thing called ’emotional intelligence’. It sounds a bit daunting, doesn’t it? But, I’m discovering it’s something wonderfully down to earth and incredibly helpful in our everyday lives. It’s not about being a genius or having all the answers; it’s more like becoming a really good friend to your own feelings and, in turn, better understanding the feelings of those around you. Think of it as being ’emotionally smart’ a kind of intelligence that helps us connect, understand, and navigate the beautiful, sometimes messy, symphony of our emotions. It’s about being curious about yourself and others.

It’s something I’m learning about every single day, not just through my studies and my volunteer counselling work, but in the everyday moments – the morning chaos, the quiet chats, the times I get it right, and the many times I’m still figuring things out! And what I’m realising more and more is that nurturing our emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice idea, it can be a bit like discovering a hidden superpower. It can lead to happier relationships, a calmer mind, and a deeper sense of connection, both with ourselves and with others. It’s a cornerstone of what I’m learning about, how to best support people in a counselling space.

So, let’s explore what this emotional intelligence is all about. We’ll look at why it’s a bit like magic for our well-being, and most importantly, how we can all gently nurture a little more of it in our own lives.

What IS This Emotional Intelligence Thing Anyway?

So, what exactly is this emotional intelligence, or EQ as it’s often called? It might sound like something you need a textbook to understand, but it’s much more about everyday life than academic theories.

First up, there’s Knowing Yourself – I like to think of this as your personal inner weather report. It’s all about being aware of what you’re feeling and, if you can, why you’re feeling it. It’s about noticing your moods, what things tend to make you feel a certain way (your triggers), and also recognising your own strengths. It’s that moment when you suddenly feel a bit grumpy or out of sorts, and then you have a little think and realise, ‘Ah, it’s because I haven’t had a quiet five minutes to myself all day!’ or ‘I’m feeling a bit anxious because I’ve got that important thing happening tomorrow.’ Just noticing, without judging, is the first step.

Next, we have Managing Yourself. This is about what you do with those feelings once you’ve noticed them. It’s about riding the emotional waves rather than letting them completely knock you off your surfboard! It means handling your emotions in healthy ways, not letting them hijack your behaviour, and being able to pause before you react, especially when those feelings are strong. We all know those moments, right? Perhaps it’s taking a really deep breath when your toddler is having a spectacular meltdown in the middle of the supermarket, instead of having one yourself (though, let’s be honest, that’s always easier said than done!). Or it might be choosing to go for a walk to clear your head when you’re feeling stressed, rather than snapping at the next person who speaks to you.

Then there’s Motivating Yourself, which I think of as finding and nurturing your inner being. This is about using your emotions to help you reach your goals and to keep going even when things feel a bit tough. It’s about tapping into that inner drive, that sense of optimism or curiosity that can propel you forward. For me, and I know I’m not alone in this, sometimes putting on some really uplifting dance music can completely shift my energy and help me tackle whatever needs doing! It’s that feeling of, ‘Okay, I can do this.’ What’s your go-to for a little boost of motivation? It’s different for everyone, and that’s the beauty of it.

Another absolutely crucial ingredient is Empathy. This is all about walking in someone else’s shoes, even for a moment. It’s the ability to understand and even share what others might be feeling, and to see things from their point of view. It’s about really listening when a friend is upset, and trying to imagine how they must be feeling, even if you don’t necessarily agree with everything they’re saying or doing. This is such a massive part of being a counsellor – that genuine attempt to understand another person’s world, their joys, their sorrows, their struggles. It’s a powerful connector.

And finally, we have Social Skills. This is where all the other ingredients come together to help us in our interactions with other people. It’s about building good, healthy relationships, communicating clearly and kindly, handling disagreements in a constructive way, and generally making others feel comfortable and heard. It could be knowing how to have a tricky but necessary conversation with someone you care about, or it might be as simple as knowing how to make a new person in a group feel welcome. It’s the art of connection.

So, you see, emotional intelligence isn’t about being overly emotional, or never feeling sad, angry, or frustrated. Far from it! It’s about being smart with all our feelings – the sunny ones and the stormy ones. It’s about understanding them, managing them, and using them to live a more fulfilling life and build stronger connections. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it’s something we can all learn and get better at with a bit of gentle practice.

Why Should We Care? The Everyday Magic of EQ

Okay, so we’ve got a bit of an idea about what emotional intelligence is, but why does it actually matter? Why should we care about nurturing these inner skills? Well, from what I’m learning and experiencing, the benefits are pretty amazing, like discovering a little bit of everyday magic that can make a real difference in so many areas of our lives.

Let’s start with Our Own Lives and Our Families. When we’re a bit more tuned into our own emotions and better at understanding the emotions of our loved ones, it can transform our relationships. Think about it – better communication with our kids, our partners, our friends. When we can really get why our child is having a meltdown, or understand what our partner is trying to say even when the words are a bit jumbled, it changes everything, doesn’t it? It leads to fewer misunderstandings, more patience, and a much deeper sense of connection. As a mum, I see this all the time; those moments when I can pause, really listen, and respond to the feeling behind my boys’ words, those are the moments when we truly connect.

Then there’s the wonderful perk of Feeling Calmer and Stronger Within Ourselves. Life throws all sorts of things at us, and emotional intelligence helps us to manage stress more effectively and bounce back from setbacks with a bit more resilience. It’s like having a more stable inner compass. This really ties into that whole mind-body-spirit connection that I often muse about on my blog. When our emotional world is a bit more settled and we feel more capable of navigating our feelings, everything else just seems to feel a bit easier, a bit lighter. We’re also more likely to Make Choices We Feel Good About. When we’re not being swept away by impulsive reactions, we can make more thoughtful decisions that align with what truly matters to us.

And what about In Our Work and Helping Roles? This is where I’ve seen the power of EQ really shine, especially through my counselling studies and volunteer work. For anyone in a role that involves supporting others – whether you’re a counsellor, a teacher, a manager, a parent, or just a good friend – emotional intelligence is invaluable. It allows for Deeper Connections by helping us build trust and genuine rapport. When people feel truly understood on an emotional level, it creates a safe space for them to open up and explore what’s going on for them. This means we can be More Effective in Really Helping because we’re not just responding to surface-level issues, but to the emotional landscape beneath.

Crucially, especially for those of us in caring roles like volunteer counselling, emotional intelligence is vital for Looking After Ourselves. Being constantly open to the emotions of others can be draining if we’re not also tuned into our own emotional needs and limits. Self-awareness, a key part of EQ, helps us to recognise when we need to step back, recharge, and practice self-compassion. This is so important for preventing burnout and ensuring we can continue to offer support sustainably. As a volunteer counsellor, I see firsthand every week how vital it is to be tuned into both my own emotions and those of the people I’m privileged to support. It’s a delicate dance, but an incredibly rewarding one.

So, you see, emotional intelligence isn’t just a fancy term; it’s a set of skills that can enrich our personal lives, strengthen our relationships, and make us more effective and compassionate in how we show up in the world. It’s about bringing more understanding, kindness, and connection into our everyday interactions, and who wouldn’t want a bit more of that?

My Own Little Journey with Emotional Intelligence (Sharing from the Heart)

Now, I wouldn’t be writing about this if it hadn’t touched my own life in some way. My journey with understanding emotional intelligence isn’t about having all the answers – far from it! It’s more like a gentle unfolding, a series of little ‘aha!’ moments that have come through my experiences as a mum, through the incredible learning in my psychotherapeutic counselling diploma, and just through the general ups and downs of being human.

I remember when I first started my counselling course, the idea of really dissecting emotions, both my own and others’, felt a bit daunting. But as we delved deeper, I began to see how understanding these inner landscapes was like being given a new set of lenses. Suddenly, interactions that might have baffled or frustrated me before started to make a little more sense. For instance, learning to truly listen – not just to the words someone is saying, but to the feelings underneath those words – has been a game-changer, both in my volunteer counselling sessions and at home with my boys. There have been countless times when one of my sons has been upset about something seemingly small, and my old instinct might have been to quickly fix it or dismiss it. But now, I try to pause, to get curious about the emotion. Is it really about the toy, or is there a feeling of frustration, or sadness, or a need for connection hiding there? More often than not, when I can tap into that deeper feeling, the whole situation softens, and we find a way through it together.

And it’s not just about understanding others; it’s been a huge journey of self-discovery too. Recognising my own patterns, my own triggers (we all have them!), and learning to be a bit kinder to myself when I don’t get things perfect has been so important. There are days, of course, when I feel like I’m juggling a dozen flaming torches as a single mum, and my emotional intelligence feels like it’s gone on holiday! But even then, the awareness is there, a little voice that says, ‘Okay, you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. What do you need?’ Sometimes, the answer is just a quiet cup of tea, five minutes of deep breaths, or, if I’m really lucky, putting on some loud dance music and just letting go for a few minutes!

Growing Your Emotional Superpowers: Tiny Steps for Big Shifts

So, we know what emotional intelligence is and why it’s so helpful, but how do we actually get more of it? The good news is that it’s not some fixed trait you’re either born with or not. It’s a set of skills, and like any skill – whether it’s learning to bake a cake, ride a bike, or even master a new dance move – it’s something we can all develop and strengthen with a bit of practice. And the even better news? It doesn’t require grand gestures or complicated techniques. It’s often about the small, consistent things we do each day. Remember, this is a journey of practice, not perfection!

Here are a few simple, doable tips that I’ve found helpful, both from my studies and from trying to put them into practice in my own busy life:

1. The Daily Emotional Check-in: This is super simple but surprisingly powerful. Just take a moment or two each day – maybe when you’re having your morning cuppa or before you go to bed – to quietly ask yourself: ‘How am I really feeling right now?’ Try to name the emotion if you can. Are you feeling content, stressed, a bit flat, excited, worried? There’s no right or wrong answer, and no need to judge the feeling. Just notice it, acknowledge it. It’s like taking your emotional temperature.

2. Embrace the Power of the Pause: This one is a game-changer, especially when you’re feeling strong emotions like anger or frustration. Before you react or say something you might later regret, try to create a tiny bit of space. Take one slow, deep breath. Count to three. This little pause can be just enough to stop an automatic, unhelpful reaction and give you a moment to choose a more thoughtful response. It’s not always easy, especially in the heat of the moment (I know this well as a mum!), but even trying makes a difference.

3. Listen with Your Heart (and Not Just Your Ears): When someone is talking to you – whether it’s your child, your friend, a colleague, or a client – try to really listen. This means not just hearing their words, but also trying to tune into the feelings behind their words. What’s their body language saying? What’s their tone of voice telling you? Often, what’s not being said is just as important as what is. This is a cornerstone of empathy.

4. Get Curious and Name That Feeling: When you notice an emotion bubbling up, try to get a bit curious about it. Instead of just labelling it as ‘feeling bad’ or ‘feeling good,’ see if you can be more specific. Are you feeling frustrated, disappointed, anxious, tired, joyful, hopeful, or perhaps a mix of things? The more accurately we can name our emotions, the better we can understand them and what they might be trying to tell us.

5. Practice Empathy in Everyday Moments: Try to consciously put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even for a brief moment. If someone is acting in a way that you find challenging or difficult, pause and wonder: what might be going on for them? What pressures might they be under? What might they be feeling? This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their behaviour, but trying to understand their perspective can soften your own reactions and open the door for more constructive communication.

6. Find Your Healthy Emotional Outlets: We all need ways to process and express our emotions. What works for you? Is it talking things through with a trusted friend? Journaling your thoughts and feelings? Going for a run or a walk in nature? Losing yourself in music or a creative hobby? As I mentioned, for me, dance music can be a fantastic release! Find what helps you to feel your feelings without letting them overwhelm you, and make a little time for it.

These are just a few ideas to get you started. The key is to be gentle with yourself and to remember that small steps, taken consistently, can lead to really big shifts in how you experience and manage your emotional world. It’s about progress, not perfection. Every little bit of awareness, every tiny pause, every attempt to understand yourself or someone else a little better, is a step in the right direction.

Wrapping It Up: Your Emotions Are Your Friends

So, there we have it – a little wander through the world of emotional intelligence. As we’ve seen, it’s not some lofty, complicated psychological concept that’s out of reach. Far from it! It’s a deeply human, wonderfully practical way of being that can bring so much richness and meaning to our lives, and to the lives of those we care about. It’s about understanding that our emotions, all of them, are like messengers, offering us valuable information if we just take a moment to listen.

From getting to know ourselves a bit better and managing those sometimes-tricky emotional waves, to motivating ourselves, understanding others with more empathy, and building stronger, more genuine connections – emotional intelligence touches every part of our lives. It’s there in the quiet moments of self-reflection, in the joyful chaos of family life, in the supportive conversations with friends, and in the profound connections we can make when we truly try to understand another’s heart, especially in roles like counselling.

My own journey with this is, like most things in life, a work in progress. There are days I feel more tuned in than others, and that’s perfectly okay. The important thing, I’m learning, is the willingness to keep learning, to keep practicing, and to keep being kind to ourselves along the way. It’s about embracing our emotional selves with curiosity and compassion.

So, here’s to getting to know our amazing emotional selves a little better, one day at a time, one feeling at a time. Here’s to those small steps that lead to big shifts, and to the beautiful connections that blossom when we lead with understanding and heart.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! What does emotional intelligence mean to you? What little steps have you found helpful on your own journey?

Take care,

Lora