The Power of Naming Your Emotions: A Path to Better Emotional Regulation

Have you ever felt a storm brewing inside you but couldn’t quite put your finger on what exactly you were feeling? Perhaps you snapped at your partner or children, only to realise later that you weren’t really angry with them, you were overwhelmed, exhausted, or feeling unappreciated.

This common experience highlights why emotional regulation, particularly the practice of naming our emotions, is so vital to our wellbeing and relationships.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

At its core, emotional regulation is about being aware of and managing your emotions effectively. Rather than being swept away by emotional currents, it’s about developing the ability to notice what you’re feeling and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

The foundation of this skill begins with something surprisingly simple yet powerful: naming what you feel.

The Science Behind “Name It to Tame It”

When we experience strong emotions, our brain’s limbic system, particularly the amygdala, our emotional alarm system, becomes highly active. This activation can trigger our fight-flight-freeze response, bypassing our rational thinking processes.

However, research by neuroscientist Dr. Matthew Lieberman found that the simple act of putting feelings into words (a process called “affect labelling”) reduces activity in the amygdala and increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, the thinking, reasoning part of our brain.

In other words, naming an emotion helps shift brain activity from emotional reactivity to thoughtful response. As psychologist Dr. Dan Siegel famously says, “Name it to tame it.”

Emotional Granularity: The Key to Better Mental Health

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a pioneering researcher in the field of emotions, has extensively studied what she calls “emotional granularity”, the ability to identify and label emotions with precision and specificity.

Her research shows that people with higher emotional granularity:

• Experience less anxiety and depression

• Make better decisions under stress

• Build stronger relationships

• Show greater resilience during difficult times

• Regulate emotions more effectively

Instead of just feeling “bad,” someone with high emotional granularity might recognise they feel “disappointed,” “discouraged,” or “disconnected.” This specificity provides valuable information about what they need and how to respond.

Creating Space Between Feeling and Response

One of the most powerful aspects of naming emotions is that it creates psychological distance. When you say, “I’m noticing that I feel frustrated” rather than simply being frustrated, you create space between yourself and the emotion.

In that space lies your power to choose a response rather than being driven by reaction.

Think about it: When you’re “in” an emotion, completely identified with it, there seems to be no separation between you and the feeling. The emotion drives your behaviour automatically. But when you name it, you step back and observe it, creating crucial distance that allows for choice.

A Real-Life Example

Imagine this scenario: You’ve been working all day. Dinner needs preparing, more work awaits, and everyone in your household wants a piece of your attention. You can feel tension building, your patience wearing thin.

Without emotional awareness, you might snap at the next person who asks you for something, starting a chain reaction of hurt feelings and conflict.

But with the practice of naming emotions, you might pause and think: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. I’m also exhausted and need a moment to myself.”

This simple recognition creates space for a different response: “I need 10 minutes to decompress, and then I’ll be able to help with dinner.”

The outcome is dramatically different, all because you paused to name what you were feeling.

When We React First: The Importance of Repair

Despite our best intentions, we all have moments when emotions take over and we react before we can regulate. I know this all too well from my own journey.

There are many times when I get it wrong and react impulsively. In those moments, as soon as I’ve realised what’s happened, I make it a priority to go back to the person, name what was going on for me, and apologise and take accountability for myself if necessary.

Even though this happens after the event, the “repair” part is incredibly important. It shows that:

1. We’re aware of our emotional processes

2. We value the relationship enough to circle back

3. We’re willing to be vulnerable and take responsibility

4. We’re modelling healthy emotional behaviour for others

This repair process isn’t just about making amends; it’s actually strengthening the relationship. Research shows that relationships don’t need perfect interactions to thrive, they need honest repair when things go wrong.

So if you find yourself reacting before regulating, remember that all is not lost. The naming process can still be valuable after the fact: “I realise I was feeling overwhelmed and I snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

This accountability creates safety in relationships and gives us another chance to practice emotional awareness, even if it’s retrospective.

How to Build Your Emotion-Naming Skills

Like any skill, identifying and naming emotions takes practice. Here’s how to get started:

1. Pause regularly throughout your day

Set reminders if needed. When the reminder goes off, take 30 seconds to check in with yourself. What are you feeling right now? Where do you feel it in your body?

2. Expand your emotional vocabulary

Many of us default to basic terms like “good,” “bad,” “fine,” or “stressed.” Challenge yourself to be more specific. Resources like the Feelings Wheel can help you identify nuanced emotions.

3. Notice physical sensations

Emotions always have physical components. Tension in your shoulders? Heaviness in your chest? Butterflies in your stomach? These bodily sensations provide clues about your emotional state.

4. Practice the formula: “I feel X because Y”

Adding the “because” helps you understand the triggers and contexts for your emotions, providing even more useful information.

5. Keep an emotion journal

Spend a few minutes each evening writing down the emotions you experienced during the day. Over time, you’ll notice patterns and triggers.

The Mini Challenge: Building Your Emotional Awareness Muscle

Ready to put this into practice? Here’s a simple challenge to build your emotional regulation skills:

1. Pause 3 times today when you notice a mood shift (big or small)

2. Take 30 seconds to tune in to what you’re feeling

3. Use a Feelings Wheel or emotion word list to name the exact emotion

4. Say it out loud or write it down: “I feel overwhelmed,” “I feel hopeful”

5. Bonus step: Add the why. “I feel frustrated because I’m not being heard,” “I feel peaceful after that walk”

This simple practice, done consistently, can transform your relationship with your emotions and, by extension, your relationships with others and yourself.

Beyond Naming: The Next Steps in Emotional Regulation

While naming emotions is a powerful first step, complete emotional regulation involves additional skills:

• Accepting emotions without judgment: All emotions are valid and contain information, even the uncomfortable ones

• Understanding triggers: Recognising what situations, thoughts, or interactions tend to spark certain emotional responses

• Developing coping strategies: Building a toolkit of healthy ways to process and express emotions

• Practising self-compassion: Treating yourself with kindness when experiencing difficult emotions

These skills build upon the foundation of emotional awareness that naming provides.

The Ripple Effect of Emotional Regulation

When you improve your ability to name and regulate emotions, the benefits extend far beyond your internal experience. You’ll likely notice:

• More authentic connections with others

• Reduced conflict in relationships

• Better communication of needs and boundaries

• Increased capacity to support others emotionally

• Greater resilience during challenging times

• Improved decision-making, especially under pressure

Remember: Progress, Not Perfection

Emotional regulation is a lifelong journey, not a destination. Even the most emotionally intelligent people have moments when emotions overwhelm their coping resources. The goal isn’t perfect control but rather a growing capacity to work with emotions skillfully.

Each time you pause to name what you’re feeling, you’re strengthening neural pathways that support emotional awareness and regulation. Over time, this practice becomes more natural and automatic.

So the next time you feel emotional weather brewing inside, remember the power of naming. Those few seconds of awareness might just transform your response, and your relationships, for the better!

Take Care

Lora