Stop People Pleasing

Letting Go of the Good Girl/Nice Guy Role (Without Losing Your Heart!)

We all want to be liked. To be seen as kind, agreeable, helpful, and thoughtful. But sometimes, in our efforts to be “nice,” we lose something precious along the way — ourselves.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, saying “yes” when you mean “no,” or feeling anxious whenever someone’s upset with you… you might be stuck in the Good Girl or Nice Guy pattern.

And guess what? You’re not alone.

Signs You Might Be Stuck in the ‘Nice’ Cycle:

• You say yes when you mean no

• You apologise even when you haven’t done anything wrong

• You try to fix everyone’s emotions

• You avoid conflict at all costs

• You hide your real opinions or you’re disconnected from them

• You put your own needs last

• You over-explain your decisions

• You feel guilty for resting

• You worry people will think you’re selfish

Sound familiar?

This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about understanding where these patterns come from — and how to start healing.

Where Does It Come From?

People-pleasing is often a survival strategy.

Maybe you grew up in a home where it felt safer to stay quiet, agreeable, or emotionally “low-maintenance.” Maybe you were praised for being the “easy one.” Maybe your needs were overlooked, so you learned to minimise them. Over time, that protective mask of “niceness” became your identity.

But here’s the truth: Being nice at the cost of your well-being isn’t real kindness — it’s self-abandonment.

So How Do You Break Free?

Awareness is the first step. But change comes from gentle, conscious practice — not perfection.

Here’s where to begin:

1. Get Curious About Your Story

When did you start over-functioning for others? What were you hoping to avoid, or hoping to receive?

2. Pause Before You React

People-pleasing often happens automatically. Try noticing how you feel before you answer or agree. Can you name the emotion? Can you take a breath? What do you feel in your body?

3. Reconnect with Your Own Needs

Ask yourself regularly: What do I want? Not what’s expected. Not what’s safe. Just what’s true. Start a journal and explore your wants and needs.

4. Practise Saying No Without Apology

You don’t need to justify your “no.” Start small — one boundary at a time. Your voice matters. Don’t want to go to that party? just decline without explaining yourself, a ‘sorry I can’t make that’ is fine.

5. Accept That Some People Won’t Like It

When you stop people-pleasing, some relationships may change. Some may fall away. You might even choose to maintain old dynamics in certain situations (especially with family) — but now, it will be a conscious decision, not an unconscious pattern. That’s empowerment and choice. You KNOW what you’re doing, you know the why and you’re choosing it.

6. Give Yourself Compassion

This is tender work. You’re unlearning years of survival strategies. You don’t need to be hard on yourself — just honest and kind.

You’re Still a Good Person!!

Letting go of the “nice person” role doesn’t mean becoming cold or unkind. It means becoming real. Whole. Honest. It means showing up for others without disappearing yourself.

You’re still kind. You’ve just stopped abandoning yourself to prove it.

Start small and see how it feels, a therapist can help you work through and unravel what your needs are and make small changes.

Take Care

Lora